It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
