Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
