My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
