This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
