So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
