It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
