my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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