i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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