Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
