i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
