Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
accomplished twins. life is a go
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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