Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm at about main and main street
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
