So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He better not be in your backpack
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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