Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
