i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
