ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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