I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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