It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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