Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
