The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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