I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
