Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
