But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
