I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
