Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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