if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I wear drunk well.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
