Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
