I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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