You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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