i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
