I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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