Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
