I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
