My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
