every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
