It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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