Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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