Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
They are going to name an STD after you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
