I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
