Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
