I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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