shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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