Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
