she was so not down for the gang bang
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
