He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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