I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
