Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
