mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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