He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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