Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
